no appetite

no bingeing

no purgeing

dexatrim = love

I'm pretty much (completely) stuck and I don't know why. I'm eating like 1300 and going to the gym every day and I'm still not losing anything. I feel more toned but still enormous. I'm liking the whole healthyness thing though and I don't want to go back to bingeing every day and being a gelatinous blob of depression. I hope every morning that the scale will go down and I'm pissed that it's refusing to move.

My boyfriend of 11 wonderful months told me that he had a dream we were married and it made him really happy. He's been hinting at this for a while now. I love him but I'm not sure I want to marry the first guy I seriously date. And I'm still only 21. I definitely want to wait a few more years before I get married, but I don't think I want to break up with him. I want to be with him but still date other guys on the side to make sure I got the best one, but I don't think he'll go for that.  I do looooooooove his family though. They're so awesome. I'm worried he might be the right guy at the wrong time. And my mom isn't too keen about him, although she hasn't really given a reason. Probably the whole "nobody's good enough for my daughter" routine so popular with dads.

A few months ago I had a dream I got married and I woke up wanting to throw up because it was so horrible. I don't remember if I was with him or someone random but I'm most def NOT READY! We're going through a weird stage right now because I'm going off to grad school and he's staying behind to finish his degree. I don't know whether I want us to make it or not. I'm seriously confused. I wonder if I can get away with being his girlfriend but still hanging out with (not making out with) other guys on the side? Just to be sure? I'm the kind of person who takes forever to shop because I have to see everything at every store and then find the best price and then I still may not keep it. It makes dating pretty hard.

He is awesome to me though.

Every time I get drunk I lose weight. And I'm not dehydrated at all so it's not water weight!! I must have eaten like 1500 yesterday at least and only ran for 40 minutes but i still lost 1.5 lbs. :) I'm hoping for 2 lbs. today. I won't feel thin until I'm down at least 10 lbs., and i'm only down 4 right now :(.

Food has lost its magic. It's no longer where I go to find happiness, comfort, warmth. Now I'm eating until I'm satisfied, and I haven't binged in weeks :)